Absolution From Denial
I happened to read the May 5 issue of Newsweek Magazine. Jessica Zafra (give or take her dues) came up with an article, a well-compressed one, on Philippine relics of gold supposedly 10th Century or even way earlier than that. I was partially amazed, partially indifferent—and no I am not arguing we can be so indifferent about anything. Now I know better. And now I do, I think I can put old ghosts of college past in the closet. Studying Philippine Institutions 100, a required elective mainly about our national hero Jose Rizal, in my beloved stint in the University of the Philippines admittedly tinted and wiped clear my view on a grand project—that of finding or remaking or perhaps imagining the Philippine identity. Finding it, remaking it or imagining something as grand, something as essential to my existence as my national identity all imply or assume one thing among many—that there is a form of denial. I deny certainty to my being Filipino and so I am all but part of the greatest crime no foreigner can ever commit against us. Call it the lack of pride. Call it disillusionment, I had that tainted view as well as I had a sense of how I should view things. A mouthful, isn’t it?
Thank God I knew how should I view things.
I lay all these on the table to absolve myself and urge my readers (whoever comes across my lay-low blog) to do the same from denial. I can’t help but bring to consideration Tony Stark—Iron Man. Sure, he’s more fiction than man. Or isn’t he? I appreciate the humble touch Jon Favreau put to the movie as well as how the role suits a Robert Downey Jr. Let’s leave the film at that. But go deeper into the man behind the actor and the comic book and you find someone living in denial. To deny our mission, our real reason for being is again, a great crime. Cowards commit it. Proud men do. Need I wonder about the outcome? Tony Stark denied his mission and his purpose, plain and simple. It is not that he wasn’t aware of either. It was because he did not give the opportunity for either to act in him. He could not fly literally and figuratively. No fly, no game. End of story. That is how we are to be measured. How high do we fly and not how big our engine for flight determines what we become ultimately. Rather cheesy? Think again. This is more than your self-realization juice. Tony Stark denied the opportunity to be someone to more people because he chose preoccupation. Yes, I say preoccupation. Isn’t it sometimes good, to have a plan or a long-term path to take? Isn’t it better to be prepared for the worst and have our lives set in calcuable units? Most of the time, yes. Sometimes, some important stretch down our lives, no. Preoccupation with things that matter less for example is a clear detriment to this fly I am talking about. Trapped in our comfort, the trappings of our former glories and claims to fame and perhaps what remains of what high self-esteem we carry from past trophies, we are susceptible to the elements of denial. The result consumes. It takes years. It takes years of what could be.
Ergo, we need absolution from denial. I am talking about things that go as wide as national identity to as narrow as the self. Tony Stark needed a new heart and he got one, rather in concrete terms. I like it that now, Tony Stark draws his strength from somewhere near his heart. It is a beatiful metaphor indeed, amusingly from a movie icon. See, it is more than a mental process, more than intelligent justification. We need to find some new heart somewhere and in some better time. If I deny who I am and where I belong, then I will be vulnerable to shallow things of gossip and intrigue to deeper more legitimate questions such as answering for my character flaws. If I deny what I need, then I am committing suicide. For if I deny what I need, that emptiness, that force in me that is not of me and cannot be by my judgment or my feelings, than I am taking away breath from my lungs. If there’s anything worse than a character flaw, it’s a character gap. We don’t need holes. We need a complete package of what we have to offer. If I paid no attention to this simple lesson, I would not have made the right decisions and ended up convicted as I am to pursue what mission now lies ahead of me. If I knew less, I could not look a person in the eye and say that I know what I am doing and this is best for me. If I knew less, I would have ended up chasing the wrong kind of dream. Short of saying, I am an educator now (and all the good things that come extra) because I say I need to be such and I am called to be such. Period.
We desire peace. We desire clarity. We want to fly. It is sometimes more than just having the right aim in life. Sometimes, we have to consider more the launchpad from where we fly. Without being sure that we are safe and secure, we will be vulnerable to attack. Without being clear on the terms of flight, we will be lost. Absolve ourselves from this denial and be free. Furthermore, be free to chase a dream and live a purpose. That is your fly. That is your game.
At the end of the day, I may be just preaching from common knowledge or personal experience. But I better serve a reminder, a lighthouse among men so to illustrate, than to keep mum and let time pass by. I will have this opinion in all my blog entries. I am but one voice. I am pleased to know that I am one voice in a small movement and in a small organization compared to the larger demographics outside. Because of this, because of the perspective I have in mind and the presuppositions renewed in my heart about how things should be—I publish on. I have many plans. Some of them I have shared, some of these plans I keep to myself and some are in the works. And no, I am not talking about getting another degree here. I have to fly. The game is on my court.
Self-gratifying PS: Go Los Angeles Lakers! (Don’t mean to destroy this blog by putting this on top =) )
Absolved.
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