The Cycle is Never the Same
Our Political Methodology teacher once said that there is no such thing as “a point in time”. Amazing metaphysics at the time and I was left in thought. Today I contest that idea.
There is also this saying that goes “nothing happens the same way twice” and yet “history repeats itself”. I am a product of a language training in many aspects and this craft of mine still ably amazes me. The way that I get to a misunderstanding with another person over SMS without smileys is the same way with which I write the fiction of life. I am still learning in many ways. I am thankful that I am still left in awe though more times I am left questioning when seeing images and hearing ideas that at the end of the day escape me. It is unfair that we men let these great insights, great moments and great lives pass by. Oftentimes we seek for more happy moments. But it is with the same frequency that we let go of marvels beyond notice. I recall telling a colleague and friend that I enjoy making poetry and forms of literature for self-enjoyment. I call it my cross-training if amply it is one. It is such a crime to be a slave of forget, specially in creative writing. It is a crime resulting from self-indulgence.
Tomorrow we celebrate the birthday of our national hero Jose Rizal. Articles are out there for public view. I am curious about him now than in any point of my life. My professors in the university, if they indeed have this tombstone of good things I can share with them, left me with a tainted view of our national hero. There was one in particular who I hold in high respect and am proud to have been under whose tutelage in vividly left a Jose Rizal of contrasts. Yes evidence suggest that he is a one-of-a-kind gem. And then when you are about to celebrate your being Filipino, you learn of his flaws as a person. Then you think that character is as important to your judgment in things and people more than any yardstick. Ah, the standards we have! In the writing of things, we like destroying our own heroes because we claim that in truth, they can’t be that good. Sad. I suppose they were. I suppose Rizal was that good and is a standard we Filipinos seek and do not find. Perhaps born out of this frustration, we choose to unearth and see things that are not desirable —these things that make him human and thus like one of us. We like it that way. We don’t like altars anymore. Sad that sometimes it is for this reason that we let great moments and greater people slip by. Though I believe that man is as human as he goes in thought and action, I also believe that some human beings make the cut to glory and deserve a break. Rizal is one of them. He has been studied and known for his short-lived and retractable relationships that he has been labeled a “playboy”. O how many readings I still have on his private life! This man, this glory of the university in Europe and the hope of the brown race has been reduced to being a man in need. Do we let this go on? I say no. For what we learn now, we pass on to the next generation in the form of hope. It is for this reason that I say we give Rizal more slack and give him his due. If our people has this image of a good-looking guy putting on the moves on women instead of a man of letters and a man of genius as most of our children no longer appreciate, then we are doomed as a people. The British, when making movies, have this same failure of turning their heroes to mere humans. Cut them some slack. Give them their due. Give our kids what they deserve — a hero, valid and invalid yet redeemed.
This is but a reflection of the desperation of our times. We are but human and that is as close as a valid excuse one can issue now. I made a mistake and so was rewarded with STD and so I blame my being human. I made a mistake of not checking under the hood twice so I lost my brake and killed your son. These statements become valid and since they are treated so under law, they are taken as such. Remorse is one thing we have forgotten in this cycle. Penance, what is that? I now understand more than ever, not in hope of generalizing, but presenting an approximation of a clear picture why our children are this way. We have made excuses. Are standards, the moral and even the academic, are on a low. This is the Roman Empire circa 2008, when morals and standards were left in exchange of shame and scandal. We know that Rome eventually got its shame — it was sacked more than once. We know of its scandal — that of men persecuting fellow men in the name of entertainment. This is what we have for our children — shame and scandal. We have forgotten and thrown in the cycle things that were good and used to work for the entirely new and reckless. This is a generalization. Perhaps we have gained new insight in being a human being, but also we lost insight in living human. So we make excuses and so we say life and context are different from then and now.
I used to be a fan of finding the context. I helped draft political statements in college and in certain progressive movements and volunteer organizations with the context as my prelude. Then I went on the loose, partially emotional, partially founded as I bashed the opposition or proposed a grand new idea that I soon learned was repackaged heap. That was, for a time, the cycle of my life. I enjoyed it for the most part. But now, I have parted away from this path. I used to be a fan of things of power. I still am and I wear this grin when such matters are brought to the table. Exuding confidence and flare were things I know I have. Things are just different now. Now, I find less reason to be where I am not supposed to be. I do not claim to have been saved from the vicious cycle that we are all subjected to, but somehow I am enjoying the ride. I need not find the deepest justification found in minced words and diced intentions. I am living as a man. But I need not make excuses. Truth has an all new appeal to me — not that it is tainted, manipulated and subjective. It is clear, absolute and rational.
I dream of days when I would come up the podium and deliver speeches I kept in memory and paper to a large assembly. Now I realize I am living this dream — addressing the multitude of young minds and maturing minds and the multitude they speak to. I dream of days I can have all that I need and somehow make life easier for me. Now I realize that I have to be patient and I have to be sane. I once dreamed for the things of this world I can touch. Now I feel warmth even in the most indirect smile of a child. I never imagined the day I would end up in this institution, in this movement, in this honor. It was perhaps because back then, I was dreaming too low and setting the bar at the same level.
What am I trying to say? Perspective is important in the cycles of our lives. We loose perspective and we are taken off course. We enjoy things we have and dream for things we think we will not have because we believe it to be possible and for the right reasons. We are at peace in knowledge of the one truth because we see and do not make our human excuses. Call me unfair but then again, this is a perspective. If there’s this thing I like about these individualists is that they can say :it’s my life and my point of view anyway. I don’t have to argue at this level. We need to seek the universals of things. I guess I am a sinful piece of rubble but I know this too, not just this thought, but this guilt will come to pass.
So is the cycle for us the same or never the same again? We share life’s moments of ups and downs as if life happened again in another time. But then again, it should never be the same.
Live. Absolved.
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